Dirt

Dirt and dried mud clung to every surface of the house, a layer of grime so thick it suggested years had passed since any cleaning had been undertaken. Yet the inhabitants, their own clothes equally soiled, acted as if everything about the situation were normal. Their sunny dispositions and politeness in the face of even the rudest insinuations forced the consideration that exterior appearances were, at least in this situation, misleading.

When the discovery of a mass grave was discovered underneath their domicile, conclusions were again revised. Contamination of the home is indeed a sign of contamination of the soul.

Crazy

"Don't call me that!"

"I didn't say you were crazy. I said this is crazy."

"I'm not crazy!"

Adrian and Eugene stared acrimoniously at each from across the bedchamber. They both understood what the other was thinking. Only one of them had a gun. Only one of them had threatened to kill themself if the other went through on their threat to leave forever.

Only one of them had contracted with a lesser demon to guarantee a lifetime spent together in mutual bliss, only to realize that bargaining with a fiend never ends well.

The whole situation really was crazy.

Population Statistics

There are 7 billion people in the world and 7 billion rats. Both are social creatures, although people refuse to socialize with rats. The sight of a rat – at a wedding reception or restaurant, for example – upsets humans. But how about rats?...

“Rattus, did you know there are 7 billion people?”

“What?”

Two rats – Frank and Rattus – discussed the situation in an alley with overturned trash cans.

“7 billion.”

“You mean, as many as rats, Frank?”

“What'd you think of that, Rattus?”

“Look at the world, and some of those weddings and restaurants...I'm sorry to hear it, Frank.”

From Guest Contributor David Sydney

The Dreaming Man

Calvin approached every situation with the same primary assumption: he was dreaming.

This outlook freed him from the tethers of reality. He lived with a complete disregard for consequence only the dreaming man could fully fathom. It lent his existence a sort of Buddhist clarity, in which only the current moment mattered. He possessed at all times a tremendous sense of self-possession and lucidity, while remaining entirely divorced from the trivial concerns of everyday society.

Now that he had been sentenced to forty-five years to life for first-degree murder, this mindset would be even more of a refuge moving forward.

A Mother’s Love

First it was only yelling. Then she sported bruises. The police carted him away. He came back. He was sorry, couldn’t believe he was capable of that. She let him back in. He escalated. A fresh set of bruises appeared. The cycle continued.

She stayed to protect the child. His safety was all that mattered. A mother’s love.

A protection order was issued, papers were served, the divorce imminent. That was the legal way to handle the situation, but not Dad’s way. He wasn’t worried about legal. He didn’t give his daughter away to be slapped around. A father’s love.

From Guest Contributor NT Franklin

Slow And Steady

Millie was a fireball and Herbert was steady. The cattle woke them up one night.

“Snake,” Millie said. And she shot out of bed.

Millie had the snake partially subdued with a garden rake. It was still moving so she stood on it with her right foot just behind the head and her left near the tail. Barefoot.

“Herbert! Get out here!”

No answer.

“Herbert!”

Finally, Herbert comes sauntering up to the corral. Fully dressed, knife in pocket, hat on, boots laced up, he sized up the situation.

“Millie, if I knew you had it, I wouldn’t have hurried so.

From Guest Contributor NT Franklin

Driver’s Ed

If you slow down for a yellow light, the cops will write you a ticket. Of course, if you blow through the light, they’ll write you a ticket for that, too. Half the drivers resist but soon give up, half try to hide. I didn’t believe my friends when they first told me. Then people started collapsing due to the stress of the situation. I’d seen rockets explode on liftoff, coyotes violate dogs. Yet I didn’t expect this at all. Our lives are just daydreams in a dead landscape. It’s now a crime in Utah to harass cattle with drones.

From Guest Contributor Howie Good

Howie is on the pavement, thinking about the government.

Teed Off

When Matt Dobson teed off for the tenth hole, he drilled Brian Witherspoon, who weighs about 350, as he bent over to pick up what he thought was a quarter but turned out to be a gum wrapper.

“Well damn,” Brian yelled, “Dobson’s ball hit me square in the ass!”

Everyone got real quiet and we thought a situation might develop, but Lawson jumped off the bench and yelled, “Oh come on, he missed your asshole by five inches.”

Then everyone started laughing and so Brian walked over and shook Dobson’s hand and we all got on with our game.

From Guest Contributor Andrew Miller

Andrew retired from a career that included university teaching and research. Now he has time to pursue his long-held interest in creative writing. Check out some of his publications at: http://www.andrewcmiller.com/