Problems At The Museum

Francine answered Rayette’s call.

“Hey, I wonder if you and Little Ralph would like to go with me and Little Frankie to the Aquarium today?

“I'm not sure, Rayette?”

“What do you mean?”

“Well, the last time Little Ralph saw a sea turtle, he got upset. He thought it was his Uncle Leo.”

Rayette knew Leo, with his thick glasses, bald head, and cheap cigars. She empathized with Little Ralph.

“And he was frightened of the flounder.”

“Did he think that was Leo's wife, what's her name…”

“Gloria?”

“Yeah, Gloria.”

“Not exactly… He said it looked more like Little Frankie.”

From Guest Contributor David Sydney

Grudge

Faye waited until the renowned speaker returned to his seat, then stormed up to him.

“Billy Anderson, you stole my Bic.”

Security moved in.

Intrigued by the vaguely familiar woman glaring at him, Will waved them off. “I what?”

“Stole my favourite Bic pen.”

“Why would I when I have this?” He pulled his gold Mont Blanc from his breast pocket.

“You did, the day of our English matriculation exam.”

“Matric?” He did a quick calculation. “Grade Twelve? Thirty years ago?”

“So what? Buy me a drink. I’ll remind you of the incident.”

“Impressive, a grudge as a pick-up line.”

From Guest Contributor Louise Arnott

Correcting Errors

My wife was a good woman but controlling. One night, wearing old cut-offs, I found an urn on the beach. I shook it.

A small piece of paper issued. Do not agitate.

“What’s this?”

Another paper. “Voice recognition printer. I can grant wishes. Just speak. It will be printed and granted.”

“This is a bad joke.”

Another sheet. “This is not a yoke.”

Yoke? Voice recognition? I asked for a good life.

Moments later, a woman walked toward me. “Why are you wearing those rags. You have nice shorts.”

Another sheet. “Your good wife.”

“No, no,” I said. Life. L-I-F-E.”

From Guest Contributor Mel Goldberg

A Teddy-Bear Reunion

It’s been twenty -seven years since I’ve seen his face.

White and fluffy, hiding an adorable black button nose that invites a desperate need to boop.

Life descended into chaos not long after we met, and the spiral took decades to settle.

House to house, the bounce of instability, the gathering of no moss. None of them were home, just a place to be, until the next one.

But I’ve been here a while now. And can no longer ignore the roots that have sprouted. It's finally time to release my childhood friend from his black plastic prison.

We’re home.

From Guest Contributor Kamran Connelly

Kam’s Novelette DEATH BED INC is due for publication by Twisted Dreams Press. He has features in anthologies by Hollowpoint Press, Wolfsinger Publications RDG Books Press and UnpopularPublications. Is currently shopping around his debut novel, The Extinction Process. And his Vampire novella BLOOD BANK. Is published online at The Horror Tree, Trembling with Fear, Flash Phantoms, and WitCraft for his works of fiction. Has poetry featured in three anthologies, and a novella featured in the Paul Cave Prize for literature.

Adrift

The sun is strong on my emaciated face. It’s been days, weeks, adrift at sea, my dry lips ache for water and my only companions are sea creatures.

The fire onboard my ship took out the entire crew. I still hear the screams of my men as they flailed and jumped into the seawater to no avail. It’s a miracle I survived. I have minor burns on my hands from trying to put out the flames, but it spread too quickly and a gust threw me overboard.

I hear something, could it be a boat?

I may just make it.

From Guest Contributor Lisa M. Scuderi-Burkimsher

The Central Tower

“Sir, the enemy has broken through our outer defensive wall.”

“Damn, but at least we have an inner defensive wall, Ralph.”

It was a time of constant warfare between petty baronies. Among the pettiest of the barons was Baron Frank.

“Baron Frank, I didn't want to mention that the enemy broke through the inner wall also. I thought that would make you, well, more upset.”

“Upset, Ralph?… Of course, I'm upset. But at least we have this fortified central tower that's virtually impregnable. From here, I can command our troops in a devastating counter-attack.”

“Oh, about that word ‘impregnable’”...

From Guest Contributor David Sydney

A Barometer of the Goodwill Out There

Everybody loved Evan. Why wouldn’t they?

After our accident, I became The Twin Who Lived.

I appreciated him more than anyone, except Mom. He had amazing achievements. People thought I resented him? Nothing of the kind. We split duties: him as a leading scholar, me as the regular guy. We always kept the lines open.

I awoke, climbed out of a destroyed Chevrolet. Fire got him, the gas tank.

Then I heard, reheard it said, “Tragic, but if only one twin survived…”

A terrible secret we keep from kids: some people find it too expensive to just wish you well.

From Guest Contributor Todd Mercer

Todd writes fiction and poetry in Grand Rapids, Michigan, and he loves this life.

Drama Llamax

Jared dropped his items at the cash register and asked for a pack of Marlboros.

"Wait, I recognize your voice," the cashier exclaimed.

Jared grimaced, hoping she wouldn't make the connection.

"I know. You're the Drama Llama."

He nodded with a forced smile.

"Do the catch phrase."

Jared hesitated, calculating whether he could demure long enough without it becoming awkward. He hated reciting the line unless he was getting paid. Unfortunately, the woman had paused in anticipation.

He finally gave in. At least she hadn't gotten out her phone.

"Remember kids, only you can stop the drama in your life."

Hiking The Peruvian Andes

Backpacking the Peruvian Andes from Arequipa to Puno, I was out of breath at 15,000 feet. I had only a short distance to go to my lodging, but I decided to rest. I leaned against a stunted tree, opened my backpack, and took out my water and my last sandwich.

An emaciated man wearing faded pants, ragged sandals, and a traditional chullo, approached me. In Spanish, he said that he had not eaten in two days. I told him I did not have far to go, and handed him my sandwich.

He tore it in half and said, “Podemos compartir.”

From Guest Contributor Mel Goldberg

Date

“You talked me into this.”

“What’s to fear?” I said. “We just take her somewhere quiet.”

Zhou was a straight-A student. His only flaw was cowardice.

“You owe me. If you hadn’t pushed me…”

He started the car.

Half an hour later in the old classroom the woman stared at Zhou in fear.

“This isn’t kidnapping?” he muttered. “What next?”

No answer.

Zhou turned. Only he and the woman remained.

“Hello?”

He grabbed the walkie-talkie. Only static.

“Where are you?”

In panic he asked the woman, “Did you see another person?”

Not the best opening for a date, Mr. Zhou.

From Guest Contributor Yang Zefan