Hoover Dam

It is a little known fact that Herbert Hoover was never really interested in becoming president. He actually started his career working as a mining engineer, traveling the world developing mines for various precious metals. At this time, politics was the furthest thing from his mind. His simple ambition, if you can call it simple, was to have a dam named after him, preferably the most famous dam in the Western Hemisphere. Becoming the President of the United States was just, in engineering language, the straightest line between two points.

Too bad Hoover's mostly remembered for causing the Great Depression.

The President Who Never Lied

“If you’re innocent, why are you taking the Fifth Amendment?” asked the President who never lied to whip his followers into a frenzy. His true believers cheered.

“The mob takes the Fifth,” said the President who never lied. His true believers hooped and hollered.

“The Fifth. Horrible! Horrible!” insisted the President who never lied. His true believers waved flags of his graven image.

Then when he was deposed.

“Why did you overvalue your assets to secure loans and undervalue your assets to evade taxes?” he was asked for hours by New York state attorneys.

He took the Fifth 440 times.

From Guest Contributor Todd Matson

Orange Man

Once upon a time, an orange man became president. He dressed in red, white and blue, but he liked white more than black and brown, and he loved orange most because he was orange.

The orange man made many people cry.

One day the orange man and his friends were indicted, prosecuted, convicted, liquidated, and incarcerated under state laws.

The orange man couldn’t pardon himself or anyone else convicted under state laws.

The orange man painted his prison cell orange, because he loved orange most because he was orange.

And people of every color lived happily ever after.

The end.

From Guest Contributor Todd Matson

Todd Matson is a Licensed Marriage and Family Therapist. He has written poetry for The Journal of Pastoral Care and Counseling and has been published in Vital Christianity. He has also written lyrics for songs recorded by a number of contemporary Christian music artists, including the Gaither Vocal Band.

The War Of Walls

One hundred years in the future a time machine is built. Scientists send the machine back to get Native Americans, cowboys and dragons.

The English side with the Native Americans and the Americans with the cowboys. The English build a wall. Using jeeps, tanks, and planes they fight for six years. The cowboys break the wall, but lose the war.

After the war a resistance forms and is sent to New York to disable the tanks controlling the security building which houses the president. Some get away, some are killed.

The President's last personal, best fighter is promoted to General.

From Guest Contributor Bayley Kelly

Reflex Action

The front page of the morning newspaper is carrying a photo of the xenophobic, misogynistic new President.

Suddenly I spit. Expectorant deluges the photo and page. It is an uncontrollable reflex action. I couldn’t suppress it. It’s not like I knew it was going to happen or had planned it.

The commuters in the subway car look at me in silence. I am embarrassed. I am also sorry for damaging a complete stranger’s newspaper.

It was when he raised his open newspaper to read it, the front page photo loomed in front of my face triggering this; a reflex action.

There Lies The Gun

There lies the gun.

After years of gathering information, months of undercover work, weeks of planning tonight's sting, and hours of waiting for the motorcade to arrive, the situation has unravelled.

There lies the gun.

The gun is the only weapon within easy reach. They both know it. As soon as one of them makes a move, they'll both lunge for it, and then one of them will be shot.

There lies the gun.

A flinch, and they are fighting. Neither was quick enough.

There lies the gun.

By now the President is most likely dead.

There lies the gun.