Stupid Planet Cruises

I can hardly wait. This is going to be a good one I know, another one with no faster than light speed travel. So primitive. Do you ever wonder why anyone would ever go to a smart planet? It would be just like being home in Karg. Boring. The guide to this blue and green planet says they fight and kill each other. Can you imagine something so stupid? We’d better put on armor under our earth disguise, so someone doesn’t kill us at random. We’re landing in a place called Portland Oregon where something called government impoverishes the locals.

From Guest Contributor Doug Hawley

Gross Malpractice

No one had ever seen so many lawyers in one place before. It seemed their number was approaching infinity, but only because the sight was truly incomprehensible.

"I'm afraid we have some bad news. Our move to dismiss was rejected."

"You assured me the case had no legal basis."

"Yes, but that was before the issue of dogs was introduced. People seem pretty upset they don't live at least as long as people."

"The term gross malpractice is beginning to be bandied about."

God shook his head regretfully. Maybe the whole creation thing should have been more carefully thought out.

Anytime Anywhere

Dave and Heather sat in cafe and looked at their phones. There was a lot David wanted to say, but the place was crowded and he didn't want to be overheard.

He texted her instead.

I'm sorry.

For what?

Everything.

It's not an apology if you don't acknowledge what you did wrong.

Why'd she have to be so difficult?

I wasn't the one who broke her promise.

Still not an apology.

Heather set her phone on the table and looked out the window. Before the screenlock came on, David noticed she was looking at flight times.

So much for promises.

Island Of Souls

Simon woke up in the sand, waves lapping against his legs. For once his pants weren't soaking wet from urine.

He braced for a hangover to wash over him that never came. After a few moments he struggled to his feet, trying to piece together where he was and how he ended up here. Not the strangest place he's woken up, but he seemed far from a Starbucks. He'd even settle for a 7/11 at this point, but all he saw was the empty beach in either direction.

Maybe running away from his intervention had been a bad idea.

Rainbow Potato

I tell myself I don’t belong here, and I don’t. The place is home to depressives, insomniacs, winos, recidivists. Trains pass through without whistling or slowing down. Meanwhile, stacks of coffins keep arriving in the dark by truck. The first thing I do most mornings is examine my face in the mirror for signs of fresh trauma. There was one morning when I asked Google if rainbow and potato rhyme. The answer came back, “Not exactly.” A handsome young drifter, stepping off the overnight bus from Providence, smiles plausibly while wearing a necklace of human ears tucked inside his shirt.

From Guest Contributor Howie Good

Howie's latest book is Frowny Face, a mix of his prose poems and handmade collages from Redhawk Publications.

In Memoriam

Sunday, you’ll have been dead a week. I sit at the kitchen table, laptop open in front of me, doing what I think you’d be doing in my place, writing something. You were a poet, a real one, a soldier with a flower in his helmet. I’m hunting and pecking when I suddenly hear the tinkling of Tibetan prayer bells. Five seconds – 10 max – pass before I realize it’s the new ringtone on my phone. A prim female voice announces, “Unknown caller.” I always just assumed Death would have the surly demeanor of the lunch ladies in a school cafeteria.

From Guest Contributor Howie Good

Howie's newest poetry collection, Frowny Face, a mix of his prose poems and collages, is now available from Redhawk Publications He co-edits the online journal UnLost, dedicated to found poetry.

The Whimsical Sun

It always rained where I lived, and the sun never showed its face. January to December: an encore of relentless grey days.

Sometimes during the summer break, when the gray became unbearable, my mother allowed me a night’s stay at my best friend's house next door.

There at her place, we would play late into the night and there was always an abundance of hot chocolate and stories to go around. Late mornings, while we were still in bed, her father used to roll up the clacking blinds, and tiny motes of dust danced in the sun, just like magic.

From Guest Contributor E. Rhyme

The Vestal

In ancient Rome, the Vestal Virgins held a sacred place. As long as each Vestal remained chaste, the walls of Rome would never be penetrated. But...

"Did you hear? One of the Vestal Virgins is pregnant."

"What?"

"Pregnant. The belly's showing."

"How in the world?"

"Everyone thought it was Marius or Septimus that did it."

"Did either confess?"

"No, not even after torture. They put other names to her. Claudius, Tullius…"

"I can see one of those guys being involved."

"But the Vestal denied it."

"Huh?"

"She said it must be some kind of immaculate conception."

"What? That excuse again?"

From Guest Contributor David Sydney

Steering Law

A man lost his dog, but the cat lets him walk her. Connected by the dog’s old leash, they walk. The man explains the world as they go: this leash is our curve of pursuit, he says.

What’s that? The cat, having no crystal ball or even a decent pair of glasses, might wonder.

See those ants? Each walks at the same speed toward the ant on their left. The curve of pursuit is the curve traced by the pursuers.

Never one to grovel for place, the cat assumes a posture identical to the man, and pulls ahead of him.

From Guest Contributor Cheryl Snell

Cheryl's new series is called Intricate Things in their Fringed Peripheries.

The Edge

It's steep over The Edge, one slip, anyone could fall. The Edge overlooks the city, and many people come here to think, make out, and party. Driving to The Edge is easy, it’s leaving that is hard. There are stories about this place; no one is ever invited. The Edge pulls you in, a tense grip leaving you struggling for air. No one really knows how they get here, there are no directions to The Edge, you just appear. I’ve been to The Edge once, it's scary there. Dark and gloomy, even when there are no clouds in the sky.

From Guest Contributor Montana Huston

Montana is a student of journalism at Pikes Peak Community College.