No Soliciting

Good evening, miss, you’re looking lovely tonight. Miss? Do wait up. I meant no offense! Now I just wanted to bid you a good night but – swat! Hey now, there is no reason to strike with such malice, now is there? I don’t mean to drool, but your skin tonight is so pale, so smooth, so inviting... I’m just the slightest bit peckish. You wouldn't mind if I had a taste? A sip? Pints and pints you have, an abundance. Surely you wouldn’t mind if I took your hand in mine, and gave it a pinch of a kiss – smack!

From Guest Contributor Skyler Bath

Eight Maids a-Yelping

“What’s a milkmaid to do? The only thing bovine hereabouts is the Silly Cow who owns the place. During the first seven days of Christmas, she let her true love convert her manor house into an aviary.”

“Tell me about it! I’m a housemaid, but I don’t do windows and I don’t do guano.”

A barefoot parlor maid lamented, “Look at my bloody feet after half a dozen geese pecked my corns.”

The other five recently-hired maids commiserated with them.

“Let’s tar and feather the harpy. We can substitute pine pitch, in a pinch, and there’s no shortage of feathers.”

From Guest Contributor John H. Dromey

John’s short fiction has appeared in Mystery Weekly Magazine, Stupefying Stories Showcase, Thriller Magazine, Unfit Magazine, and elsewhere.

We Accommodate Everybody

"Humanoid preparation team to the front counter."

Shaun, Michelle, and Joan crossed the lobby in seconds. Standing by the "We Accommodate Everybody" sign were a family of black eyed hairless grey humanoids.

"What can we do for you?"

"We can use beds at a pinch, but we always sleep better in a web" said the largest humanoid.

Galactic Hub Hotels are proud of their service. Joan holstered a plastisilk gun and led the family away. Nobody spins more comfortable webs than Joan.

"Humanoid preparation team to the front counter."

Uh-oh, aquatisuits. This is going to be more of a challenge.

From Guest Contributor Ross Clement