Visitor

When I visited his grave, the grass had not been cut, and the mixed bouquet of flowers someone placed in the ground were wilted. I walked to the office, and the receptionist told me their groundskeeper quit, and they just hired someone new to take his place. She assured me the cemetery would be taken care of in a few days. I’m not a frequent visitor so I wouldn’t know if that’s true.

I removed the dead flowers and replaced them. Then I said a prayer and asked again for forgiveness for my recklessness that put him in the ground.

From Guest Contributor Lisa M. Scuderi-Burkimsher

T-Shirt Sun Tan

"Look at your farmer's tan."

"We don't call it that anymore."

"What? Why not?"

"It's derogatory to farmers."

"How is it derogatory?"

"It's mocking them for having to work in the sun all day."

"They do work in the sun all day. Are you saying that just because they work in the sun it's somehow undignified? That earning an honest living outdoors is not as worthy as sitting in an office?"

"You're the one laughing at me."

"I'm laughing at you because you look stupid, not because I have anything against farmers. Someone's a conceited asshole and it's not me."

Confidentiality

Busy medical clinic. Patient-chart filing cabinet stuffed. More charts waiting to be shelved, by me. Where to?

It’s the Computer Age. The weight of paper is seriously impacting office health.

I walk by my desk, accidentally knocking down the records I’m to file.

Uncle Frederic is a patient here. He hasn’t told me why.

Footsteps?

Have to gather the wayward folders and pile them neatly onto the desk. The night patrol nods, passing by my opened doorway.

Tomorrow’s a new workday. Perhaps I can linger again after office hours and find out why uncle visits this clinic once a week.

From Guest Contributor Krystyna Fedosejevs

Top Ten Tips For Spies In The Dentist’s Office Waiting Room

1. Power down the flip phone (V2.0) hidden in your black loafers.

2. Set video camera sunglasses to record in 4K resolution.

3. Be suspicious of anyone sporting sunglasses in waiting room.

4. Scan wall posters for cryptic ciphers such as ‘Password=PW123.’

5. Take notes, e.g., ‘Subject has engaged eye contact.’

6. Respond with ‘thank you’ if anyone says ‘You’re acting all weird, man.’

7. Refuse offers of Xylitol-laced lollipops, esp. sour cherry flavoured.

8. Ask yourself, ‘Does my dentist have a Russian accent?’

9. Keep eyes open, mouth shut, antenna tuned.

10. Avoid divulging important state secrets while sedated.

From Guest Contributor Elizabeth Murphy

We Will All Stop Using Acronyms

Friday afternoon: Another email pinged through from the boss, full of acronyms and bullet points. Bullet points always made Stella want to shoot herself.

“WTF,” Stella replied. “This is CRAP. CBA, TBH.” She went home.

***

Monday morning: “Stella. My office. Now.”

***

“Well, of course I mean Wednesday/Thursday/Friday,” Stella explained. “There’s to be a Completion Report After Production. Your IRK suggestion Can Be Arranged. Your third request, the prioritization protocol presentation, I’ve marked To Be Handled.” She drew a long breath.

***

Another email pinged through as Stella returned to her desk: “Moving forward we will all stop using acronyms…”

Stella smiled.

From Guest Contributor Fiona M Jones

Elegantly Wasted

Tom was an alcoholic. First thing every morning he made himself an extremely dry martini: straight gin, but in a martini glass to feel classy. In the evening, he put on a tuxedo and drank champagne. Not sparkling wine. The French stuff.

Tom worked downtown. He took long lunches at the club and came back to the office smelling of mint and tangerine. He was a partner, so no one ever complained. Not to his face.

Tom considered himself a functioning alcoholic.

His ex-wife and her phalanx of lawyers considered Tom a threat to harm himself and those around him.

Interview

When I stepped out of the car, I took a deep breath and cleared my mind.

I hadn’t been interviewed in years and now older, I didn’t know what my chances were of getting hired. My friend recommended me to the department head, and I hoped that would get my foot in the door.

I had my briefcase in hand with an excellent portfolio and references. What more would they want?

I opened the door and entered the office only to be told by the receptionist that the manager had an emergency and I’d have to come back another day.

From Guest Contributor Lisa M. Scuderi-Burkimsher

Undercover

The clatter of typewriters, especially Maryanne’s, echoes in the room. She’s pounding heavily on the keys to reach the deadline. It’s imperative she gets done before the other women if she’s to prove herself capable. She reaches the end and pulls out the paper. With quick steps, her heels clanking on the floor, she heads to her boss’s office.

“Well done, Maryanne. You’ve proven yourself. You’ll be going to France as an undercover secretary. Are you up for it? I can’t help you if you’re caught.”

Maryanne nods and waits for instructions.

She has no idea the danger she’s in.

From Guest Contributor Lisa M. Scuderi-Burkimsher

Big Money

Howard entered the school’s front office Monday morning following his Saturday wedding. The head secretary smiled at him and cooed coquettishly, “Ooh, Mr. Morgan, how’s married life?” The other secretaries smirked, eager to hear his reply.

The question amused Howard. He didn’t know what to say so he pumped his fist in the air three times and said, “It’s fantastic. I’ve doubled my income. Life is good!”

“Oh! Oh!” the head secretary shrieked, hands flying to her throat. “You’re just the most horrible man.”

Grinning madly, Howard walked out of the office thinking, What a great start to the day.

From Guest Contributor Robert P. Bishop

It's Not My Fault

‘Can you please complete your homework?’ the frustrated dad nagged his uninspired child, for three consecutive days, rather the Sony PlayStation grasped her attention.

‘Hmm’ this being her only response.

On the fourth day, the exasperated father was summoned to the principal’s office, knowing full well that he would be questioned regarding his child’s tardiness, he braced himself.

‘Dear Mr. So and So, it saddens us to summon you to school like this,’ the Headmistress began to berate him, ‘your child has complained to us regarding her inability to complete her homework due to you occupying her time after school.

From Guest Contributor Imraan Ganie

Imraan is a seasoned technologist, father of 3, and a lyrical addict who writes short stories, poetry, and limericks in his spare time. His quirky take on life, inspired by his curiously unconventional life experiences lead to twists of humour and tales that are always entertaining. Imraan lives on the Southern Coast of KwaZulu Natal in South Africa. Imraan has two short stories published in 2021 in an anthology called Taxi through Mzansi featuring short stories by twenty of South Africa’s finest authors.