Test Day

Test day had arrived. Paul entered the arena with overwhelming trepidation. Failure today would mean death.

The arena was smaller than on television. And the stench of blood and burning flesh threatened to suffocate him. No matter how much training they'd given him, nothing had prepared him for that.

In the end, Paul passed his test, the lone survivor among his 99 classmates. He didn't like being a stooge for the network--murder should be a choice, not something forced upon you--but at least he was still alive.

In any case, he looked forward to graduating to middle school.

Mathematical Calamity

Calamity followed him everywhere. His primary school was destroyed in a tornado. His middle school suffered an earthquake. His high school burned down in an electrical fire.

As the catastrophes mounted, journalists and theologians began looking at the pattern and noticed him at its center. They speculated he was a malevolent hell-spawn.

It wasn't until his death at the age of one hundred and seven, a four-time widower and the survivor of several plane crashes, two world wars, and the nuclear holocaust, that a mathematician finally made the proper assessment.

Ralph Warner was officially the luckiest man to ever live.

Confidence, Inc.

Jonah saw the ad and hoped it might be the solution to all of his problems.

"In the modern marketing age, where even individuals have begun thinking of themselves as a brand, Confidence, Inc. is there to fulfill your personal advertising needs."

Perhaps Confidence, Inc. would be able to stop the bullying and help make Jonah popular. He decided to visit their offices.

The executives at Confidence, Inc. had never engaged a client as young as Jonah. Most of their customers had at least started middle school. But after a company-wide strategy session, they welcomed Jonah as their first kindergartner.