Two Emperor Penguins

After laying her egg, the female Emperor penguin spends at least two months at sea gorging on silverfish. The unfed male then incubates the egg for that entire time in the penguin colony. Ed and Fred were two Emperor penguins...

"I'm really sick of sitting on this thing and living off my body fat, Fred."

"It gets really uncomfortable, especially in the sensitive parts down there, Ed."

"Do you ever dream of silverfish – just eating silverfish all the time?"

"Do you know what's odd, Ed?”

"What?"

"After sitting here so long, all I seem to dream about is scrambled eggs."

From Guest Contributor David Sydney

The Machiavellian Necessities Of A Woman On The New York City Subway

For the majority of Deb's daily commutes, she preoccupied herself with the most strategic seat location choice. She normally picked the open space closest to the door. She didn't like standing, when it felt like every male gaze pointed her way, or looking for less populated corners, where some old dude would inevitably decide it was cool to plop their sweaty ass right next to her or, sometimes worse, directly across from her.

Being near the exit provided the comfort of knowing she could quickly escape at any stop, should it ever become necessary.

This necessity was a weekly occurrence.

Old Criminal History

The site of the homicide is vicious and bloody. No evidence is found except fingerprints left on the victim.

Later Detective Lance Jones tells his partner Carl that AFIS found a match to the bloody fingerprints left at the crime scene. The homicide is so violently over the top that Carl is sure the perpetrator has to be a young healthy muscular male.

Carl is surprised when Lance tells him the suspect is an older male.

“Did you say the suspect is sixty-four years old?” asks Carl.

“Well, he was in 1942 the last time he was arrested,” Lance replies.

From Guest Contributor Denny E. Marshall