The Lost Notebook

I looked for it everywhere I could think to look. Under chairs and beds. In the clutter on the kitchen counter. Behind cushions. No luck. I’ve lost my notebook or had it stolen. The notebook is nothing fancy, a simple assignment pad like the ones we used in school. But I might as well have lost my soul. The notebook contains notes for poems and explosions. I’ve been unable to proceed without it. Words won’t obey like they once did. I’m a mirror without glass, a rocket ship without blastoff, a donor heart without a box to put it in.From Guest Contributor Howie Good

Howie's latest poetry collection, True Crime, is scheduled to be published by Sacred Parasite in early 2026.

The Madison County Gentleman's Club Is Probably A Metaphor

I was banished from the Madison County Gentleman's Club for what they termed unbecoming behavior. There was no opportunity for an appeal, no three strikes and your out. One minute I was a member in good standing, the next it was all over. At least when my ex-wife asked for a divorce, I could see the warning signs, if only in hindsight.

Good luck demanding a refund. The complaints desk is located next to the breakfast bar. Members only.

I feel like there's got to be a better way to run a club. Evicted when I was just getting comfortable.

Pitch

He had been following her for over an hour. She had seen him before and was concerned. Bulging belly, dirty holey sweatshirt, grungy jeans at half mast. Just his luck, she walked into an alley. When he followed her, she reached into her bag. When he became conscious, he turned his head and picked up a baseball by his head. It read, "Stalking a star pitcher is a really bad idea. Don’t do it again." The next thing he noticed was that his pants were around his ankles and his drawers were down to his knees. The police showed up then.

From Guest Contributor Doug Hawley

Soup’s On!

“Any luck, Paleo?” Keto asked his fellow cannibal as he approached the giant cauldron he was stirring.

“Nothing,” Paleo said. “Zero, zip, zilch, nada. No airplane crashes. No lost safaris. Not a single soul out there for dinner.”

“Well then, it’s soup again.”

“Ah, man! I need to sink my choppers into some nice juicy ribs or breasts, or wings or... Hey! Where’d you get that?”

Paleo froze, his mouth watering, as Keto dropped portions of two human legs into the pot.

“Let me have some of that meat!” Paleo yelled.

“Sorry,” Keto said. “I only have thighs for stew.”

From Guest Contributor Lee Hammerschmidt

Lee Hammerschmidt is a Visual Artist/Writer/Troubadour. He is the author of the short story collections, A Hole Of My Own, It’s Noir O’clock Somewhere and For Richer or Noirer. Check out his hit parade on YouTube!

Kiss Your Ass Goodbye

There are always more volunteers than available spots on the firing squad. But the really terrible part isn’t how cold it is out. It’s how much I tremble. The I Ching advises, “Wait in the meadow,” meaning caring for a cow will bring luck. I can remember a time when everyone wasn’t in such a hurry to fuck off to somewhere. Now, whatever phone number I punch in, the suicide hotline picks up. I think about mentioning this to someone. And then I get distracted by the wind and the rain and the loud kissing noises they seem to make.

From Guest Contributor Howie Good

Dynasty

Scott surveyed the pieces, trying to keep track of the colors in his head. To his left, Evelyn sighed.

"It's no fun watching you stare at the board."

Scott didn't respond. Everyone was mad enough. They hated losing, and he'd won every game since arriving. Protesting it was all luck only increased their frustration.

He picked up the knight-looking character and moved it into the green circle. "How's that?"

"You win again. You don't have to be a jerk about it."

Scott smiled, embarrassed. He decided it was a bad idea to admit he still didn't fully understand the rules.

A Beautiful Day For A Stroll

I strolled down the street enjoying the spring air. Birds chirped, andsquirrels crossed my path. What a beautiful day for a walk.

“Hey, Bree,” a voice yelled from across the street.

It was Myra. A nice person, but too verbose.

“Guess what, I got a job at Smith & Smith. I start next Monday. Isn’tthat great! I can’t wait until I tell my boyfriend Hank. He’ll be soexcited. Do you want to get coffee? I could really use a cup.”

“Got to go, Myra. Good luck.”

“Are you sure you don’t want…”

My stroll became a jog.

From Guest Contributor Lisa M. Scuderi-Burkimsher

Blue Girl

There once was a girl and she was blue. Everything she saw, thought, and felt was blue. She thought of pink, green and purple, but no luck. Everything was still blue. She thought of how much better things would be in a different color; brighter, warmer, easier. She kept thinking she should change, so that the blue would disappear. She would imagine vibrant turquoise and even bright whites. Then one day she took the plunge. She followed the light; the hope. She walked as far as she could walk. Then she floated. Now things are red. So very, very red.

From Guest Contributor Maureen Ferguson

I Can't Tell If Jason's Being Sarcastic At The End

On the day you were born, Jason, you nearly died.

I know, Dad. You've told me a million times.

Sure. But did I tell you the part where you and your mother fell 30 stories?

Yes, just as the truck full of pillows drove by.

Right. Well, what about the earthquake?

Yeah, that too. I get it. I was super lucky to survive.

I'm sorry. Anyway, I wanted you to have this for your graduation. It's the grenade that marine accidentally dropped into your baby basket. It was a dud.

Wow. I didn't know that part of the story. Thanks, Dad.

The Daily Theme from Figment for March 8, 2012

Talisman transformation: Tell the story of how an ordinary object becomes a person's lucky charm.

Cliffhanger

Ben strained with all his might. It had been an errant throw, despite Rodney's insistence it was on purpose. Now here they were, poised on the edge of a cliff, literally hanging on with their fingertips, trying to reach Ben's coin. A stiff breeze would blow it over the abyss.

It wasn't that there was anything particularly special about the coin--no magical powers, it wasn't even that lucky--but he must retrieve it. The way it was poised there like an unanswered question made it impossible for Ben to give up.

Finally he had it.

“Tails. I go first.”