The Speculative King

Edmund Mortimer, crowned King Edmund III, is considered amongst certain scholars of the apocrypha to be the greatest monarch of England. His rule not only saw Great Britain and Ireland peacefully united, but also the annexation of Normandy and Brittany, who voluntarily joined the commonwealth out of regard for his magnanimity. His reign lasted 70 years, starting at age 9, and even as a boy he was renowned for his kind heart and wise decisions. His abdication ushered in the golden age of English democracy, which endured until wicked King Henry restored the monarchy in 1485.

Thus fate always wins.

Emigration 2.0

The latest Derry crowd had established quite a community inside Grianan Fort, refugees from a Northern Ireland under British administration, ostensibly governed by a partnership of Republican and Unionist parties.

Tory privatisation of social housing, using the ubiquitous Brexit scapegoat, had only been introduced three years before a combination of it and repeal of benefits had forced Jimmy’s family, and thousands like them, across the border.

He pitied those who hadn’t escaped the shutdown..“Lights out!” Someone called from the ramparts.

Pointless warning. One way in and out. Guards knew the drill.

Jimmy reckoned they’d have a week’s grace.

From Guest Contributor Perry McDaid

The Weight Of A Thigh

King Henry was becoming impatient. He always got cranky before his afternoon nap.

"Are we quite finished yet?"

"Almost, your Majesty. We just have one more."

"For Chrissakes! More? We've done the inch, and the foot, and the yard. What else bloody is there?"

"We just need to weigh your royal right thigh."

"My thigh? What's this going to measure?"

"Well, it defines the exact weight less than which you cannot trust a woman."

"Oh, yes. Very true. Carry on."

Thanks to Henry I and his new system of standard measurements, the British kingdom entered a golden age of prosperity.