Beyond Belief

The ancient gods of the Nilmani people occupy a liminal position between myth and religion, no longer worshiped but still respected. Only the oldest living souls remember these forlorn mischief makers, who liked to plague even their most devout followers with typhoons or earthquakes or other inconvenient harrassments.

When the new gods arose, offering their dogmatic rules and promises of reliable salvation, the Nilmani moved on from their primordial divinities, failing to comprehend the consequences of betraying old oaths. Devastation soon followed, and an important lesson learned.

It won't do to anger a forgotten deity with nothing left to lose.

Them Big Oak Trees

At first, her followers thought it was intended as a metaphor. Every acorn is a big bang all its own. Every tree the mother of countless worlds.

But the famous scientist was not speaking metaphorically. She'd cracked the greatest secrets of the cosmos. Our universe was born inside a tiny seed, bursting into life, which in turn gave birth to more trees and more universes. The math was both terrifyingly simple and unfathomably beautiful. The world no longer required religion and, without Gods, there was no more war or poverty. Peace and love reigned.

Until a giant squirrel ruined everything.

The President Who Never Lied

“If you’re innocent, why are you taking the Fifth Amendment?” asked the President who never lied to whip his followers into a frenzy. His true believers cheered.

“The mob takes the Fifth,” said the President who never lied. His true believers hooped and hollered.

“The Fifth. Horrible! Horrible!” insisted the President who never lied. His true believers waved flags of his graven image.

Then when he was deposed.

“Why did you overvalue your assets to secure loans and undervalue your assets to evade taxes?” he was asked for hours by New York state attorneys.

He took the Fifth 440 times.

From Guest Contributor Todd Matson