Stupid Planet Cruises

I can hardly wait. This is going to be a good one I know, another one with no faster than light speed travel. So primitive. Do you ever wonder why anyone would ever go to a smart planet? It would be just like being home in Karg. Boring. The guide to this blue and green planet says they fight and kill each other. Can you imagine something so stupid? We’d better put on armor under our earth disguise, so someone doesn’t kill us at random. We’re landing in a place called Portland Oregon where something called government impoverishes the locals.

From Guest Contributor Doug Hawley

Traveler

Curiosity turned into passion. A passion to explore the unknown.

Time. Space. Alternate history. I visited them all.

And my memories unfolded...

Worlds I explored.Arrakis. Gethen. Narnia.

Characters I observed.Zaphod Beeblebrox. Severian.Winston Smith.

Wonders I experienced.Clocks that struck thirteen.Monoliths that searched minds ofape-like men.Farm animals that spoke of revolution.

Gods of worlds that I was privileged to.Wolfe. Asimov. Lewis. Clarke.

But you wondered about how I made the impossible possible.

Inventor of faster-than-light travel?Navigator of black holes?Man familiar with alien technology?

I responded with three simple words.

"No. I read."

From Guest Contributor John Lane

Faster Than Light

When it was just science fiction, faster than light travel wasdepicted in terms of sight and sound. Stars would blur into radiallines, as layers of synthesised sound effects bombarded a 21st centurymovie audience.

Now that it's reality, it's the smell that dominates. The overpoweringreek of rotten sauerkraut mixed with fecal notes that sticks to youfor weeks.

Harold always dreads an assignment on a new planet, but when you workin galactic trade you go where the company sends you.

The hotel receptionist sniffs and wrinkles her button nose beforepolitely enquiring: "Have you travelled far?"

From Guest Contributor Ross Clement