Unfinished Business

I returned from the dead, a list in my pocket: wrongs to right, pleasures to reclaim, truths to confess, sins to own. Mostly I needed to know how the world had fared without me. Apart from my poor mother, a grieving ghost of her former self, it was as if I’d never lived. Never loved. Never mattered. A stranger slept in my bed, alongside my darling wife, in my home, the one I’d slaved to pay for, my manicured garden now wildly overgrown. I fed the list to the fire. I’d start over from the very beginning, wherever that was.

From Guest Contributor Elizabeth Murphy

#Blemished

The comments hit hard. @keybrdwar58 wrote “Pepperoni face.” Certified rage baiter @uplinegeek’s “Wear a mask” got fifteen likes, zero from me. Ouch! Why did @soyzgalz comment “Get a life” just because I asked for advice? @vawaxayaz replied “Boomer talk.” Merci @vawaxayaz. She’s a skinfluencer. Now if she could please give me a follow back. Maybe she’ll ghost me. If she’s not a pretty deepfake bot, bet she uses AI-smooth filters. Like who doesn’t? Anyway, this is the last time I’ll ask for derma advice on Insta. Gotta have thick skin. Girls with thick skin don’t get pimples. There’s my problem.

From Guest Contributor Elizabeth Murphy

Top Ten Tips For Spies In The Dentist’s Office Waiting Room

1. Power down the flip phone (V2.0) hidden in your black loafers.

2. Set video camera sunglasses to record in 4K resolution.

3. Be suspicious of anyone sporting sunglasses in waiting room.

4. Scan wall posters for cryptic ciphers such as ‘Password=PW123.’

5. Take notes, e.g., ‘Subject has engaged eye contact.’

6. Respond with ‘thank you’ if anyone says ‘You’re acting all weird, man.’

7. Refuse offers of Xylitol-laced lollipops, esp. sour cherry flavoured.

8. Ask yourself, ‘Does my dentist have a Russian accent?’

9. Keep eyes open, mouth shut, antenna tuned.

10. Avoid divulging important state secrets while sedated.

From Guest Contributor Elizabeth Murphy