While At AL'S Counter

“Otto, look at that.”

Stan and Otto were at AL'S DINER, side by side at the uneven linoleum counter. Stan pointed with his spoon.

“Is that a fly in my soup?”

Both studied the chipped bowl and the small thing squirming in it.

“Seems more like an ant, Stan.”

“With wings?”

“Sure...Lots of ants have them. Is that the chicken soup?”

“No, clam chowder”

All soups looked alike at AL'S.

“Clam, huh?”

They stopped eating. Otto decided against dipping his fingers in the bowl to see.

“I'm pretty sure it's an ant, Stan...The flies don't seem to enjoy Al's chowder.”

From Guest Contributor David Sydney

A Diner Problem

Ralph and Rayette were at breakfast, with Ralph treating. He called the waiter over to their booth with its plywood table top.

“Is something the matter?”

“I'll say...Rayette, here, just saw another fly by her oatmeal."

Ralph had the eggs, and Rayette the oatmeal.

“What kind of place is this that has so many flies?”

“Many? What’d you mean by ‘many’?”

Rayette said she saw about five, maybe six of them.

Dismissively the waiter frowned.

“Six? You think six flies is a lot? You should see the number of ‘em in the kitchen...Especially around the pot of oatmeal.”From Guest Contributor David Sydney

Breakfast

“Mel, you don't happen to have any rat poison on you, do you?”

“What'd you mean by that?”

“Well...it's a kind of poison that you use on...”

“I know what rat poison is, Ed.”

They were at the counter of AL'S DINER, eating their breakfasts.

“You don't need to get upset.”

“Look, Ed, I'm trying to finish my oatmeal.”

“I know. But I asked Marge already.”

Marge was the waitress.

“She said they didn't have any to take care of the rat that's been running around the place this morning.”

“What?”

“The one there...That one, by your foot.”

From Guest Contributor David Sydney

Ed's Choice

“If you were a fly, Ed...”

“What'd you mean, a fly?”

“I'm just asking.”

They were at AL'S DINER. The waitress had not yet taken their orders. Ed knew his flies. That's why Mel asked.

“So, if you were a fly, would you go for the scrambled eggs or Al's oatmeal?”

“A fly, huh, Mel?”

“Yeah… Just a regular house fly.”

“Well, I guess the eggs. Now, of course, a horse fly...That might be different.”

“Nah...I'm only interested in regular flies, Ed. I don't see that many horse flies, compared to the usual house flies, in here today.”

From Guest Contributor David Sydney

The Present

“Are you okay, Ed?”

To relieve the pressure, Ed tugged on his undershirt collar. He and Mel were at the counter of AL'S DINER.

“My Aunt...”

“What?”

His words came haltingly.

“Aunt Edna...”

Each holiday, she gave the constricting presents.

Before Ed, they went to Uncle Fred. The poor man suffered from the waist down. After the holidays, he always had trouble with his privates.

Always Edna's too-tight underwear.

“Your throat, Ed? Can you swallow the oatmeal?”

His jugulars stood out.

He twisted awkwardly on the swivel seat.

His throat?

His undershirt?

“It's not the throat I'm worried about, Mel.”

From Guest Contributor David Sydney

Heater

"Would you like another heater, Ralph?"

Madge, the waitress, offered to add some hot coffee to Ralph's half-empty cup on the diner's linoleum counter. Behind her, racked, were the assorted pies, the lemon meringue with only two slices left.

"I'll take some." Ralph half-smiled. "I guess that's like you, Madge."

"What'd you mean?

"You like your coffee hot, and your men hotter."

Bracing herself on the counter, Madge stared at him. Would Al leave anything more than a 10% tip? What were the chances?

"I guess we're a little different. You go for the lukewarm guys, don't you, Al?"

From Guest Contributor David Sydney

Americana

The diner, Elmer's Pitstop, recalled a simpler time, when coffee refills were always free and quarters were collected for eventual use in the jukebox. The server, Gina was her name, enjoyed the work and could actually raise a family on the income.

Bennett still enjoyed a good diner, even now that they were considered, at best, a novelty. Elmer's had the best milkshakes in town. Did people not like milkshakes anymore?

He sighed as he surveyed the chaos. The outlines on the floor, dark red shadows marking where six people had died, were more gruesome than bodies would have been.

The Final Body

Once the police left with the final body, the reporters scattered their separate ways, much like vultures after a dinner party. I headed to my favorite diner, hoping some scalding coffee and room temperature pie would scrub away my lingering sense of insignificance.

Denizens of a past-its-prime diner also tend to be past-their-prime, but on this night, the man staring at me from across the booth reminded me of an aging but still dangerous predator, albeit one missing his front teeth.

Staring back at him, I had no way of knowing I was about to be embraced by eternal irrelevance.