Top Ten Tips For Spies In The Dentist’s Office Waiting Room

1. Power down the flip phone (V2.0) hidden in your black loafers.

2. Set video camera sunglasses to record in 4K resolution.

3. Be suspicious of anyone sporting sunglasses in waiting room.

4. Scan wall posters for cryptic ciphers such as ‘Password=PW123.’

5. Take notes, e.g., ‘Subject has engaged eye contact.’

6. Respond with ‘thank you’ if anyone says ‘You’re acting all weird, man.’

7. Refuse offers of Xylitol-laced lollipops, esp. sour cherry flavoured.

8. Ask yourself, ‘Does my dentist have a Russian accent?’

9. Keep eyes open, mouth shut, antenna tuned.

10. Avoid divulging important state secrets while sedated.

From Guest Contributor Elizabeth Murphy

So What

Everything appears gray or white, and after only a few days, I start to miss seeing things that are green. The people I depend on for advice don’t want to talk about it or even acknowledge a problem exists. I scan the morning headlines. Bosnians are still finding in woods and fields and under building rubble bodies from the genocide their leaders claim never happened. A year passes, two. The dentist bangs on my tooth. “That hurt?” he asks. I smell grass, hear birds chirp. It hurts. So what? A bird hasn’t an arm but the continent of the sky.

From Guest Contributor Howie Good

Howie is the author of Failed Haiku, a poetry collection that is the co-winner of the 2021 Grey Book Press Chapbook Contest and scheduled for publication in summer 2022.

Tourist In My Own Mouth

I’m inside my own mouth, seeing what the dentist sees. I’m awed by the whiteness of my teeth – their lingual surfaces, anyway. I don’t notice the tongue, any more than a carpet under my feet. The teeth are like panels of marble. But they have labels on them, which seem to be just A4 sheets printed out and laminated, as we might stick up temporarily on an office door. Some of them seem to be self-praise for fillings and crowns: “Great Job!” and “Fabulous!” But there is criticism as well: “Lousy cap that she got in Italy in the 1990s.”

From Guest Contributor Cheryl Caesar

Cheryl lived in Paris, Tuscany and Sligo for 25 years; she earned her doctorate in comparative literature at the Sorbonne and taught literature and phonetics. She now teaches writing at Michigan State University. Last year she published over a hundred poems in the U.S., Germany, India, Bangladesh, Yemen and Zimbabwe, and won third prize in the Singapore Poetry Contest for her poem on global warming. Her chapbook Flatman: Poems of Protest in the Trump Era is now available from Amazon and Goodreads.

DDS Confession

Here is a secret--it’s not about the pain. Rather, it’s about prolonging the discomfort.

I like to let the saliva build. Oh, you need suction? Sorry, it hadn’t occurred to me.

Pinching gums with the film is also a winner (hope you don’t have gingivitis!), as is leaving impression compound in too long (can you feel it hardening?).

But the all-time best: we exchange pleasantries, and once my hands are in your mouth I start the questions. The mask covers my smile. But look closely, ever so closely…

…and you might just catch when my eyes roll back.Mmmmmm.

From Guest Contributor Jeff H.

Jeff is a high school English teacher. He blogs at https://batchandnarrative.com/ with his wife, a dietitian, about writing, food, and everything else.

In The Spirit Of Amusement

Amusement Park. Strange name. Bet there are more unamused adults than young children. Heard Uncle Max scream. Saw him vomit on the Ferris Wheel, again. After he said he couldn’t stomach it. Cousins bashed themselves manoeuvring bumper cars. Their dads were not amused. Neither was the ride operator. Too much cotton candy caused my sweet tooth to sour at the dentist’s. We tried the Swing Carousel. I sat with Dad. The swing in front of us was empty. Would’ve been filled if the father of a toddler didn’t have a tantrum. They relocated at the merry-go-round. I preferred the Pendulum.From Guest Contributor Krystyna Fedosejevs

Krystyna is a writer of poetry, fiction, and creative nonfiction. She resides in Edmonton, Canada with her husband and stuffed animals and many friends.

The Hard-Boiled Dental Practitioner

When Nora walked into my office, I knew I was headed for trouble, the way a mosquito heads straight for an albino. Her brother was missing, and she wanted me to learn who was responsible. If I could find the 100,000 dollars he stole from her, all the better.

Her brother was the kind of scum that spat in your prescription bottles when he looked in your medicine cabinet. He was wanted by the police, by the mob, by the FBI, by everyone except the U.S. Army.

I told her no thanks. She needed a private dick, not a dentist.

Genre: Noir

I'm Engaged To A Dentist

Meg looks across the room, and sees two beautiful blue eyes staring back at her. She falls in love.

Meg and Tom are perfect opposites. She loves cats. He loves dogs. He prefers TV night, and she likes dancing. But love conquers all.

Then Meg discovers that Tom is not really a dentist. He is a top-secret agent for a top-secret government spy organization. Meg doubts she can ever trust him again.

She calls off the wedding. But when terrorists kidnap her, and Tom risks his life to save not only Meg, but Fluffy too, they live happily ever after.

Genre: Romantic Comedy