Dirt Nap

When you say 'dirt nap' it's supposed to be frightening, right? But who doesn't love a nap? It's not menacing enough as a threat. Maybe if you said 'dirt bath' or 'death nap' or something. Then it would have a lot more weight. I mean you went through all the trouble of getting a gun and putting on that mask, and you're undercutting the effect when you mention nap.

Shit, you've shot me!

Well the last thing I'm going to be thinking about as I bleed out is a quiet nap in the dirt, and that doesn't sound so bad...

The Lie

I hung up the phone and ten minutes later the doorbell rang. I peeked through the blinds, and it was James. I'd told him I didn’t want to see him anymore and he was on the stoop, holding a bouquet of red roses.

He lied to me, and flowers wouldn’t make it better.

My head ached and I was exhausted from stress. I looked out again and he was sitting on the step now. Good, let him wait, I thought.

I shut the lights, went upstairs, and made myself a hot bath. Soon after, I heard his car screech away.

From Guest Contributor Lisa M. Scuderi-Burkimsher

Home From War

I stepped off the bus, my body drenched in sweat. I couldn’t wait to remove my uniform.

I walked the path, the grass greener than I remembered and budding with flowers.

My head ached from the heat, and I needed a bath, but I didn’t think my wife would mind.

There Jane stood, her dress blowing in the breeze, her hair longer, shielding the sun from her face. She screamed my name and ran into my arms.

We enjoyed a passionate kiss that lasted several minutes when she took my hand and led me inside.

The bath would certainly wait.

From Guest Contributor Lisa M. Scuderi-Burkimsher

Ophelia Takes A Bath

Ophelia under the water; kneecap mountains poking out dwarf the dipping hills of her breasts. The ragged, brown seaweed strands of her hair move gently as her hot kettle sighs ring around the steam-shrouded bathroom.

She finds brash or delicate things expose her madness—the rough lyrics of a Pogues’ song or the fragrance of a flower bomb. Silver chains on her thighs, bright relics of dejection, shackle her to the past but aren't enough to save her. So she piles his words as pebbles on her heart and in this way she doesn't float away—at least not today.

From Guest Contributor Adele Evershed

There's Something The Matter With The Sea

We all got off the coach and headed for the beach. The couple who'd sat across from us stripped to reveal their swimsuits, like a superhero duo. I told Dad on the sand, but he seemed distracted, staring into the horizon.

'I think there's something the matter with the sea,' he said.

Mum told him to cut it out. He nodded, patted me on the shoulder and turned back towards her.

The water was warm, like a bath. That was our second clue. 'Don't worry,' the news anchor had said at breakfast. 'Hurricane Katrina isn't expected to cause much damage.'

From Guest Contributor Robert Keal

Whose Apartment?

I rent an apartment that's above a garage.

But there's a dog who has made a home for himself in the corner.

He's without a collar

and needs a bath.

I'm polite, so I don't say anything.

But he growls as if it's his apartment!

I explain; I'm paying the rent, so really it's my apartment, so he needs to accept reality.

He dismisses my argument.

I offer him food and he eats it.

I give him a bath and he goes along with it.

Finally, he licks my face in an apparent suggestion that we become roommates.

I accept.

From Guest Contributor Kent V Anderson

When Kent isn't writing stories, he is building robots.

The Manufactured Clarity Of A Warm Bath

Rachel held herself tightly and rehashed all the bitter memories. The water soaked into her skin and she wished the gentle lapping would wash away her regrets and better-left-unsaids. Yet her mood only darkened as the wrinkles formed.

She blamed herself for everything. For the aborted pregnancy, for the bruises on her cheek and back, for the bitterness that forever clung to her. The alternative was too overwhelming, that the world is full of assholes, or that happiness is difficult to acquire and nearly impossible to hold on to.

She'd rather claim the responsibility. At least then there is hope.

The Anthropologist At Work

We'd been on the expedition for months when we encountered our first Frost Giant. He was massive, as large as twelve men put together and three stories tall. He set upon our horses first, breaking their backs and swallowing them whole while the men fled in panic. His hair was thick with rime and his clothes--let's call them rags--hung off him like cheap Christmas ornaments.

Once the creature was done with the horses, he began on the men. His laughter filled the valley with thunder, but all I could think about was how he needed a proper bath.