Surprise Party

When I entered the restaurant with Kate, I scanned the room as everyone yelled surprise. I was stunned and stood motionless. Family and friends gathered around waiting to hug the fifty-year-old birthday boy. Balloons of different colors filled the room and small beer bottle opener party favors laid perfectly next to each place setting.

“So, honey, were you surprised?”

“Yes, and then some,” I kissed her softly on the lips.

Everyone yelled speech, speech, so I raised my glass. Before I could get any words out, I thought of how I would tell my wife I just lost my job.

From Guest Contributor Lisa M. Scuderi-Burkimsher

They Worked Together, In New York

"Most people are Virgos - know why?" I do. Nine months before September is commonly cold; nowhere to go but bed. The I.T. guy thinks he’s flirting but now I’m just picturing my parents.

We are so many, they economize. One cake only - sheet, naturally - with plastic balloons and red and blue frosting. Children’s cake. We begin to reveal our birth dates around the break room, and I fade away.

Later, the liquor store clerk pity-frowns at my I.D. "Man,” he says, “bet your birthday sucks.” I got nothing to add, except at least I’m around to celebrate it.

From Guest Contributor Vera Duffy

Vera is a semi-retired Mexican wrestler living in Los Angeles. Her work has appeared in Puppet Terror magazine and the L.A. Alternative Press.

Balloon Pop

At the top of the cliff, Kurt ran back forth with a bag full of rocks, trying to pop any of the various-colored balloons that were floating past him. His sole task was to make sure that none of the balloons reached so high as to pass the tree line.

After a while, Kurt realized that the variegated balloon colors signified different values. For example, if he popped a green balloon, he was given a piece of pie. Each color offered something unique.

If his life weren't in such danger, he'd have thought this would make an outstanding video game.

The Balloon Vendors

The people had long dreamed of revolution, but it was the balloon vendors who finally convinced them it was possible. They possessed more than empty talk. They had a plan of action.

They would topple the regime with helium.

It wasn't until much later that they realized their mistake. Helium isn't the explosive element. What you need is hydrogen.

They long harbored a measure of bitterness at their failure, but their prison sentences were ameliorated at least somewhat by the fact they had tried to do something. No one could say the same of the knife sharpeners or pitchfork salespeople.