Saunders S. Saunders

Saunders S. Saunders liked his name and the way it confused people. He liked tantalizing the public, and even though his middle name was Samuel, he thought from time to time about changing Samuel legally to Saunders. Then he would have a totally unusual name. Somewhere, someplace there might be a Saunders Samuel Saunders, but he doubted that a Saunders Saunders Saunders existed anywhere else in the world, or possibly in the entire universe. There was only one problem: Saunders S. Saunders had no other claim to fame, and that, he thought, was a problem, a major, major, major problem.

From Guest Contributor Anita G. Gorman

Sir Francis Bacon

CONTEST SUBMISSION:

Sir Francis Bacon, an educated beagle, wondered about his name, did some research, and learned that his namesake was a statesman and writer who lived at the same time as Shakespeare. Some people thought that Bacon was the real writer of Shakespeare's plays. This puzzled Sir Francis Bacon the beagle.

"Why is my name Sir Francis Bacon?" he asked his human friend.

"Because I like bacon, and you like bacon."

"Did Bacon write Shakespeare's plays?"

"No. Silly idea. Would you rather be named Shakespeare? I could give you a spear to shake."

"I prefer eating bacon. And answering to Bacon."

From Guest Contributor: Anita G. Gorman

Authors And Readers

It became obvious to the Minister of Culture that everyone wanted to be a writer, and no one wanted to be a reader. When the Minister of Culture collected statistics, she noticed that most of the stories published by reputable publications remained unread. With the support of Parliament, the MOC instituted a new rule: for every story published on the internet, the writer was obliged to read ten stories by other authors and write a summary and critique of each story. This practice led to a number of happy authors and readers, who turned out to be the same people.

From Guest Contributor Anita G. Gorman

Leaving Home

When he slammed the door, he did not say goodbye. He just left. He left the house, the street, the small town, all the narrow-mindedness he had endured for eighteen years. No one was going to tell him what to do or what to believe.

He boarded the train, and soon he was in boot camp. Then he was a full-fledged soldier. He had enough anger inside to slay the enemy. Before long he was on a troop ship, and then in the forests of France where he began to miss the town where he grew up.

It was 1942.

From Guest Contributor Anita G. Gorman

Hubert And Sylvia

When Hubert met Sylvia in first grade, he didn't like her. She called him names like Fatso and Freako and Huber-Boober. Hubert in turn called her Silly Sylvia or Chubby or just Stupid. But he couldn't get away from her, since everyone was in alphabetical order, and Hubert Hindeldorf, belonged right behind Sylvia Hickson.

Sometimes Sylvia would put her head back so that her long hair was resting on his textbook. Sometimes she would drop her pencil and then poke him in the leg while she retrieved it.

By eighth grade they knew each other quite well. Eventually, they married.

From Guest Contributor Anita G. Gorman

The Great Moose Walk

NATURE SUBMISSION:

It was time for The Great Moose Walk. The moose knew it was their task to walk from northern Sweden to the somewhat more hospitable south. In recent years cameras had been placed on their route, and people all over the world watched the moose on television. Inevitably, the cameras affected the animals, who knew that humans wanted to be entertained. "Hey guys," the head of Moosedom said, "Let's show them a thing or two." So they made odd gestures, smiled a lot, pranced and danced and generally showed off. Then the head of Moosedom yelled, "Hey, guys, watch this!"

From Guest Contributor Anita G. Gorman

Homer

Marjorie and her husband Herbert thought that names were important. When their first child was born, they named him Homer in hopes that some day he would be a major-league baseball player. Herbert used to laugh at the concept even while he predicted that Homer would be inspired by his suggestive name.

When Homer was three, Herbert bought him a baseball bat. Then it was Little League and high-school baseball and finally the college baseball team. Marjorie and Herbert were ecstatic; their dream was coming true.

In the end Homer majored in Classics and wrote an epic poem in Greek.

From Guest Contributor Anita G. Gorman