Scissors

Who invented scissors? I have often wondered.

Something about scissors fascinates me. They give me the irresistible urge to stab something, anything. My wrist, your wrist, the baby's head. I can't help myself. I mean, I can, because I've never stabbed anything, other than the pumpkin a few Halloweens back. But I can't help the urge.

Sometimes I dream about scissors.

We don't keep any scissors in the house. My wife says they are dangerous to have lying around, especially with the baby. I don't know why she's so paranoid all the time.

It turns out the Egyptians invented scissors.