For What Reason A Choice

Whenever she thought about the past, a heavy sadness weighed on her. Her term as Empress had been glorious and she was widely acknowledged as the greatest monarch in living memory.

Now that the peaceful successions had ended, and the municipalities were constantly at war, she regretted not holding on to power. It was the irony of their political system that those most worthy of holding power were those least likely to retain it.

Of course, giving up power had not been her first choice. She'd done so out of spite. Anything to get back at that ex-boyfriend of hers.

The Babysitting Job

Lisa had been babysitting for almost two years, ever since she was 14. Never in her long career had she seen anything so disgusting as this.

Little kids will puke and poop and spit and generally make a mess of everything they touch. Lisa was used to all these awful behaviors. She was a pro.

But she'd never seen a baby molt before, yet that was exactly what this toddler was doing. Shedding its skin and revealing a hard layer of scales underneath. Lisa shrieked and jumped on top of the coffee table.

Perhaps the Iguana family wasn't hispanic after all.

The Final Body

Once the police left with the final body, the reporters scattered their separate ways, much like vultures after a dinner party. I headed to my favorite diner, hoping some scalding coffee and room temperature pie would scrub away my lingering sense of insignificance.

Denizens of a past-its-prime diner also tend to be past-their-prime, but on this night, the man staring at me from across the booth reminded me of an aging but still dangerous predator, albeit one missing his front teeth.

Staring back at him, I had no way of knowing I was about to be embraced by eternal irrelevance.

Reversal Of Fortune

I was seized by the worst criminals and forced into bondage.

My captors liked to punish me in cruel but creative ways. They'd force me to hold down a weighted lever that would release a cage door for a hungry tiger should I let go. They'd cover me in honey and let bears lick me clean. They'd fill my mattress with earth worms. They'd purposely leave open an escape route but recapture me at the last moment.

But none of their tortures pained me as much as knowing that it had once been my job to dream up these punishments.

The Taxi Driver

Ed was too frightened to open the boot. The banging from inside could indicate the end of his job, but there were also plenty of scenarios that would lead to deportation back to England, jail, or worse.

He shifted through his options as he searched up and down the empty street. Finally, with his maglite in hand, he pushed the button on his keychain and jumped back.

As the jackal darted out and ran into the ditch, Ed cursed. He'd been ordered to stay silent. This was his last warning. No amount of money would be worth what came next.

This story is meant to demonstrate suspense, the topic of today's post over at The Chaos Factory.

Holy War

I absolutely hate the Church. They're all up in my kitchen, telling me what to do, what I can't do, what I'm allowed to think. They've hung a heavy dose of guilt around my neck and it gets so heavy sometimes I can barely move.

I think about waging war, taking on the Church and all the elders and giving them a taste of fear like they deserve. But it's just a dream. With the shame sheets they've tied around us, every sin shows up red, and they know who needs punishing. It's best to stay as pure as possible.

Chamomile Tea

It was once a daily ritual I looked forward to.

Like a Pavlovian dog, the chamomile scent from the kitchen always induced a sense of relaxation, no matter how stressful the day had been. Sitting in my Hepplewhite armchair, my clothes still covered in dust and blood, it took only a few sips for my heart to stop racing and my mind to be wiped clean of the raging torrent of anxieties and self-recrimations that normally plagued me.

Now it was the most agitated moment of my routine, wondering if today was the day she had decided to poison me.

Ahab's Adventures In Wonderland Now On Sale

I'm very happy to announce that my mash-up novel, Ahab's Adventures In Wonderland is now available, exclusively at Amazon. As part of the debut, for a limited time, it will be available for $3.99.

Here's the description:

Captain Ahab, legendary farmer, loses his leg after an encounter with Moby Dick, the infamous white rabbit who has been terrorizing farms all across Massachusetts. Hellbent on revenge, he vows to hunt the rabbit wherever it may lead. With his crew in tow, he plunges down the rabbit hole and finds himself in the amazing world of Wonderland, where caucus races, mad tea parties, and croquet with the queen await.

A mashup of Moby Dick and Alice in Wonderland, Ahab's Adventures In Wonderland is an absurdist look at two legendary classics. You'll never view Wonderland the same again. With cover design and illustrations by Katie Morton.

I'm really excited about the novel, and I hope you'll take the time to check it out. Fans of Alice in Wonderland and Moby Dick will be especially pleased.

And you can also help spread the word by liking the Facebook page.

Thanks for the support.

Musical Industry

The human resources division of Bigelow Industries decided that, considering the low morale of the company, it would initiate a musical theater program in the workplace. What better way to enliven an often dreary office than by forcing everyone to dress in costume and sing show tunes?

The day went over so well with Mr. Kellerman, the new president, that it was decided every day would be musical theater day. The employes now spend every lunch hour rehearsing the song and dance numbers for the next day with a broadway-trained choreographer.

The depths of their humiliation truly had no end.

Is This The Beginning Or The End Of The Story

Gary swatted at the prick on his leg. Of all the days to get a bee sting, it had to be his wedding day. He wasn't allergic, but it hurt like hell. He walked with an obvious limp for the rest of the day.

When he visited the doctor in Paris, three days later, the swelling had grown to the size of a tennis ball. The pain was debilitating. The doctor came in with a look of concern.

"The bad news is you're dying. The good news is that your bee sting has opened a gateway into a parallel universe."