The Attic

The Smith's attic had been used sparely in recent decades. Occasionally, one family member or the other would allow the ebullience of Spring to convince them to open the trap door, but the thick dust cloud that emerged always changed their mind.

As such, an entire ecosystem had erupted. New lifeforms unknown to science inhabited the various niches created among the forgotten furniture and boxes of National Geographics.

The Smith's often felt guilty for their neglect. Their cousin Tommy had once visited the attic and his body was probably still rotting up there. His parents always nagged them about it.

Stephen Samenlego

For Stephen Samenlego, even the simple act of walking across the street was a chore. He prepared for the ordeal with a regimen of ointments and black market pharmaceuticals that he applied to his most delicate areas. His biggest fear was someone would notice his discomfit and so he plastered over his features to look as resplendent as on celluloid.

His passings always attracted enormous attention. Samenlego often thought the crowds mocked him, that they considered he was somehow undeserving of his unrivaled celebrity. Being the world's greatest film star has the effect of isolating you from your fellow humanity.

Hit And Run

Sully swaggered out of the office on the upper east side. In his pocket, he carried an envelope stuffed with a photograph and a thousand dollars in small bills. This might be the biggest case of his career. That's when the silver Pontiac swiped into him and broke his leg.

He only saw the back of the driver's head. Whoever it was didn't want Sully to take this case. But Sully had a stubborn streak when it came to someone handing him a grand.

Seventeen drinks later, Sully's alcoholism finished the job that the mysterious driver had failed to accomplish.

The Family

PB came from a peculiar family. His siblings included an elephant, an owl, an orca, a duck, two monkeys, a chicken, a snake, a dinosaur, and a snowman. They sometimes went on strange adventures, though mostly they lazed around telling funny stories to each other. He often suspected they were figments of his imagination, but he heard their voices even as he pretended to ignore them.

He decided he wanted to understand how he came to be part of such a family so PB hired a private detective.

He was unsurprised when the detective informed him that he was adopted.

The Transformation

As Gregory Samson awoke one morning from uneasy dreams, he found himself transformed in his bed into a giant chicken. There was no doubt but that he was monstrous.

Gregory feared the ridicule of his peers. He dwelt on past incidents, when others had been shunned for smaller variations. Differences were not well tolerated in his society.

He rose from bed and stumbled into the yard. What before had seemed an entire world was now barely able to contain him. He had grown so large he could easily hop the fence.

How Gregory yearned to be a normal-sized chicken again.

His Final Adventure

Simon went to sleep in his bedroom on 523 Broadripple Avenue. He woke up in a remarkable city in the clouds. He found himself face to face with all manner of fantastic creatures, including flying horses, hippogriffs, storm giants, and singing seraphim.

Simon soon realized the city of clouds was not an idyllic Avalon. He wanted very much to return to his house on 523 Broadripple Avenue but everywhere he looked, it was one majestic waterfall after another. Most frustrating of all, none of the fantastic creatures would speak to him.

It took him several days to realize he was actually dead.

Dr. Herzog's Wind Clock

Ever since Einstein, scientists have understood the relative nature of time. But Dr. Theodore Herzog was the first one to commoditize time. He realized the principle of the conservation of energy was applicable to time as well. If time is sped up in one place, it must be met with a corresponding slow down of time elsewhere.

Dr. Herzog managed to commercialize his findings so that he could sell people time. Unfortunately, his wind clock never made it to market. A future version of himself came back to the present and murdered him, erasing him from the timeline all together.

One True Love

Jesper believed in one true love. He fell for his when he was still a boy, while picking mushrooms in the forest behind his home. He met a girl in a white dress and they played for several hours, so that by the time he returned home, Jesper's father gave him a whipping for being late.

Jesper never forgot that girl. For many years he searched everywhere for her, in his village, in the neighboring towns, along the main road that led to the city. No one knew of such a girl.

It was as if she were a ghost.

The Cash Cow

The Hendersons called her the cash cow. She ate grass and shit out money. Real American green. Tens, twenties, hundreds all came out in equal proportions, with unique serial numbers and the proper security features of United States currency. The cow became something of an attraction and people looked upon her as a miracle cow, of which many neighbors were forced to admit they were covetous.

No one understood how it worked but money being the root of all evil, the Hendersons didn't pause to consider the mechanics. They immediately slaughtered the cow and ground her up for chicken feed.

Tiny Carrots

Baby Joey watched the spectacle from safely beneath the kitchen table. His parents were measuring the brisance of hurled kitchen items and all he could think about were the two tiny carrots prominently displayed on the battlefield linoleum.

To get to them, he would have to crawl into the crossfire. The dishware made the loudest noise. The cutlery, especially the cleaver, certainly seemed the most dangerous.

But overall, from Baby Joey's way of looking at things, the eggs and tomatoes were the most enjoyable to watch explode.

With all the distractions, he soon forgot about the tiny carrots. Stupid baby.