DDS Confession

Here is a secret--it’s not about the pain. Rather, it’s about prolonging the discomfort.

I like to let the saliva build. Oh, you need suction? Sorry, it hadn’t occurred to me.

Pinching gums with the film is also a winner (hope you don’t have gingivitis!), as is leaving impression compound in too long (can you feel it hardening?).

But the all-time best: we exchange pleasantries, and once my hands are in your mouth I start the questions. The mask covers my smile. But look closely, ever so closely…

…and you might just catch when my eyes roll back.Mmmmmm.

From Guest Contributor Jeff H.

Jeff is a high school English teacher. He blogs at https://batchandnarrative.com/ with his wife, a dietitian, about writing, food, and everything else.

Personal History

Adulthood in Texas means being old enough to get the electric chair if you kill someone. In 17th century England offenders sent to the pillory were pelted by the crowd with dung, dead cats and dogs, rotten vegetables, and, in extreme cases, stones and even saucepans. Some, though, flung flowers in Defoe’s face. It’s the difference between weather and climate. The least you can do is pretend to care. In Jewish tradition a righteous man is buried with 144 prayer books atop his coffin. When my Uncle Lou was buried, they put the books in cardboard boxes labeled Kitchen Utensils.

From Guest Contributor Howie Good

Howie is the author most recently of What It Is and How to Use It from Grey Book Press. He co-edits the journals Unbroken and UnLost.

Disenchantment

The mist glistened with false promises. The canopy dripped the tears of myriad misled bards of all races who had put effort into the creation of tales only to be demeaned by the praising of the Mediocre tribe by the forest’s Editelves.

The tribe, though mere mortals, had somehow produced a damsel of beauty which had entranced even the sorcerers and had been avidly welcomed into the hierarchy as a mate where she wielded unprecedented influence.

The trolls, in particular, grumbled angrily as the incantation of rejection echoed through the avenues, causing even lianas to cringe. “We have decided not…”

From Guest Contributor Perry McDaid

Max And David

Max and David were inseparable. The scruffy Brittany Spaniel logged many miles around the family farm in the front passenger seat of the GMC half ton. David helped out his boys when needed, which was less and less each year. That suited David just fine. He enjoyed driving around the fields and his afternoon nap.

David did not wake up from his Monday nap. No one told Max as he spent the rest of that afternoon in the truck, waiting for David. One of the boys drove the truck to the funeral. Max sat in the cab, waiting for David.

From Guest Contributor NT Franklin

A Scorned Woman

You must realize my darling, that men have more immediate needs than a woman? Allowances should be made for us. You women don’t have to contend with an unruly member when it gets a whiff of a beautiful woman, especially if she smiles back.

You truly don’t have to do this. Please let me out. If you send me back, I’ll not ever be able to return. Please, please, Ruthie, I swear to you I won’t ever stray again. It’s the only time-machine in existence, and I’m much too fat to run from the dinosaurs at my time of life.

From Guest Contributor Len Mooring

Firstborn

The soon to be father entered the delivery room wearing a hastily tied paper gown.

“You’re just in time, Dad. We’re about to have a baby,” the doctor said. A large set of forceps flashed before vanishing behind the curtain. “Okay Mom, one more good push.”

Mom screamed while attempting to crush her husband’s hand. After a smack on the rear, the newborn sucked in its first breath and wailed.

“Congratulations, you have a baby girl.”

Tears of joy filled mom’s eyes as her daughter was placed into her arms, and she said with concern, “She looks like an alien.”

From Guest Contributor Eddie D. Moore

Eddie travels hundreds of hours a year, and he fills that time by listening to audiobooks. When he isn’t playing with his grandchildren, he writes his own stories. His stories have been published by Kzine, Alien Dimensions, Black Hare Press, Nomadic Delirium Press, Fantasia Divinity Publishing and by dozens of online publishers. You can find a list of his publications on his blog, eddiedmoore.wordpress.com, or by visiting his Amazon Author Page, amazon.com/author/eddiedmoore. While you’re there, be sure to pick up a copy of his mini-anthology Misfits & Oddities.

Life’s Surprises

I’m walking along the parks path and the sun is so hot, sweat drips down my neck. The trees are full of sparrows chirping in unison, and the benches are full of elderly men reading the newspaper or just staring ahead. One man is eating chips and crumbs stick to his mustache. I chortle and move along. Mothers with children, some eating ice cream, drop sprinkles on the ground and the ants come in droves.

It’s days like this I don’t take for granted. Life is full of surprises and I never know what will be, once I start radiation.

From Guest Contributor Lisa M. Scuderi-Burkimsher

The Importance Of Listening

I went on my own because I couldn't get anyone to come with me. What had once been an orchard was now a graveyard for old tires, sprung mattresses, rusty paint cans, even broken microwaves, scattered over the slope like the indecipherable wreckage of some puzzling event. The trees, untended for years, had long since stopped producing apples and been twisted into painful shapes by time and storms and then overwhelmed by creeper vines and opportunistic birds and insects. I just stood with my head cocked to one side as if trying to catch every single word the crows said.

From Guest Contributor Howie Good

Howie co-edits the journals UnLost and Unbroken.

Quick Examples Of Homonyms

“To bare one’s soul is a difficult thing indeed,” Pappa said.

Baby Bear tried to balance on one leg and fell over.

“Not that type of sole, dear,” Mamma confided, helping her son to his feet.

“What sort of education is that school providing,” Poppa growled, we can barely bear the annual fees. They don’t mete out value for honey.”

“Only the bare essentials, dear,” Momma said, ladling porridge. “That principal, Goldilocks, operates under the principle that bears have no role in The Academie.”

“I must meet her.”

“Deer meat – where?” Baby Bear licked his lips.

Poppa rolled his eyes.

From Guest Contributor Perry McDaid

The Knock

There’s a knocking on the spaceship door when there shouldn’t have been. For Chris-sake, I’m umpteen millions of miles from anywhere and here’s this knocking. It’s deliberate, and it’s the all too common knock of: knock, tiddly-knock-knock, knock knock. Is this a space hallucination? I’ve heard of them, but hell’s bells, I’ve only been up here for 50 days, surely it couldn’t happen as soon as this. Oh, mother, it’s peering in the port-hole now and looks just like me. I do feel a bit lonely now, maybe we could get along. I’ve just got to get this hatch open...

From Guest Contributor Len Mooring