No More Grant Wood

Francis stared gawping at the bleak picture of a white house on a twilight prairie for at least a couple of minutes before breathing. Hattie linked arms with him and pressed close.

“Well, what do you think?”

Francis sighed a wordless soliloquy.

“Isn’t it wonderful? Look at the shading, the perspective, the detail.”

“I just finished that wallpapering.”

“Soot from the aromatic candles and sewing chalk.”

Francis frowned.

“All dangerous hobby stuff is locked away. Candles...top shelf.”

Francis confirmed the press was locked and tight against the wall before addressing his two-year old son.

“Grant, you’re one creepy-ass kid.”

From Guest Contributor Perry McDaid

Tom Sawyer, Huckleberry Finn, And The Founding Of The Republican Party

It was their greatest adventure, convincing voters the best way to preserve the Union was electing two barely literate twelve-year olds from Missouri to the White House.

Their first order of business was war with Canada. "We never liked them Frenchies anyway," Sawyer later said.

Next was enacting a mandatory deeducation law. According to Finn, "The principates of this here place we call America had best allow young people to be free on all days, not just Saturday."

When Aunt Polly found them out, they got the worst beatings of their lives. A second term was out of the question.