Jet Fuel

Whenever I take a flight, I prefer to relax with a good book for the duration. The last thing I need is a disruption.

The man next to me had his own system. It involved complaining to the flight attendants about every little annoyance. First it was the seating assignment, then the lack of proper meal service, unless he was willing to pull out his credit card.

Spoiler alert: he wasn't.

The worst part was all of his bellyaching had to go through me, since I'd paid for the aisle.

My big mistake was politely asking him to stop whining.

Dirt Nap

When you say 'dirt nap' it's supposed to be frightening, right? But who doesn't love a nap? It's not menacing enough as a threat. Maybe if you said 'dirt bath' or 'death nap' or something. Then it would have a lot more weight. I mean you went through all the trouble of getting a gun and putting on that mask, and you're undercutting the effect when you mention nap.

Shit, you've shot me!

Well the last thing I'm going to be thinking about as I bleed out is a quiet nap in the dirt, and that doesn't sound so bad...