Stupid Planet Cruises

I can hardly wait. This is going to be a good one I know, another one with no faster than light speed travel. So primitive. Do you ever wonder why anyone would ever go to a smart planet? It would be just like being home in Karg. Boring. The guide to this blue and green planet says they fight and kill each other. Can you imagine something so stupid? We’d better put on armor under our earth disguise, so someone doesn’t kill us at random. We’re landing in a place called Portland Oregon where something called government impoverishes the locals.

From Guest Contributor Doug Hawley

T-Shirt Sun Tan

"Look at your farmer's tan."

"We don't call it that anymore."

"What? Why not?"

"It's derogatory to farmers."

"How is it derogatory?"

"It's mocking them for having to work in the sun all day."

"They do work in the sun all day. Are you saying that just because they work in the sun it's somehow undignified? That earning an honest living outdoors is not as worthy as sitting in an office?"

"You're the one laughing at me."

"I'm laughing at you because you look stupid, not because I have anything against farmers. Someone's a conceited asshole and it's not me."

Three Imaginary Boys

Three imaginary boys followed her everywhere. The one she called Whitey was the nicest. He would help her with math and comforted her when she was sad.

Churchill never had anything nice to say. He criticized her for crying too much and called her stupid whenever she made a mistake. He said the reason no one loved her was because she was a girl.

At least Churchill never hurt her, not the way Stephen did. He pinched her, or burned her with cigarettes. Sometimes worse.

She knew all three boys were imaginary, but the scars Stephen left were frighteningly real.

Stupid-Cupid

It was late evening of my birthday dinner, and we were having a nice time watching our favorite TV show. In between the commercial breaks we had some small discussions. My friend shared a video. She was narrating the story to me and told me that in the story there is a small boy flying in the air with a bow and arrow who makes people fall in love when they get struck by his arrow. Smiling at the innocence, I said, 'We call it Cupid' and she replied back with the same innocence, 'Oh wow, cupid is so stupid.'

From Guest Contributor Preeti Singh

Preeti is a French language interpreter and media professional who is engaged in writing short films and playing characters for tv series. You can get in touch with her at http://languages-consult.com/