No Soliciting

Good evening, miss, you’re looking lovely tonight. Miss? Do wait up. I meant no offense! Now I just wanted to bid you a good night but – swat! Hey now, there is no reason to strike with such malice, now is there? I don’t mean to drool, but your skin tonight is so pale, so smooth, so inviting... I’m just the slightest bit peckish. You wouldn't mind if I had a taste? A sip? Pints and pints you have, an abundance. Surely you wouldn’t mind if I took your hand in mine, and gave it a pinch of a kiss – smack!

From Guest Contributor Skyler Bath

Firstborn

The soon to be father entered the delivery room wearing a hastily tied paper gown.

“You’re just in time, Dad. We’re about to have a baby,” the doctor said. A large set of forceps flashed before vanishing behind the curtain. “Okay Mom, one more good push.”

Mom screamed while attempting to crush her husband’s hand. After a smack on the rear, the newborn sucked in its first breath and wailed.

“Congratulations, you have a baby girl.”

Tears of joy filled mom’s eyes as her daughter was placed into her arms, and she said with concern, “She looks like an alien.”

From Guest Contributor Eddie D. Moore

Eddie travels hundreds of hours a year, and he fills that time by listening to audiobooks. When he isn’t playing with his grandchildren, he writes his own stories. His stories have been published by Kzine, Alien Dimensions, Black Hare Press, Nomadic Delirium Press, Fantasia Divinity Publishing and by dozens of online publishers. You can find a list of his publications on his blog, eddiedmoore.wordpress.com, or by visiting his Amazon Author Page, amazon.com/author/eddiedmoore. While you’re there, be sure to pick up a copy of his mini-anthology Misfits & Oddities.

The Wooden Spoon That Left A Scar

The wooden spoon has its many uses. Grandma used it to stir the pot as the sweet savory smell of her brown stew wafted through the kitchen door to the hallway. After a hearty meal, I was always waiting for the unknown. This caused all my childhood anxiety. Grandma’s mood – now dark. I winced as the wooden spoon landed on my bare buttocks, smack after smack. I couldn’t sit down. When my teacher found out, I ended up in care. It was very unpleasant. The wooden spoon left more than a scar. I panic each time I see one.

From Guest Contributor Ibukun Sodipe

Soldiers Of Fortune

"Who's to say if any of this really matters?"

George smacked Thomas across the face as soon as the words were out of his mouth.

"Ouch! What was that for?" Thomas whined.

"Because if we give up hope, we die."

Thomas pointed towards the enemy lines. "If we die, it's because of them."

"And if we give up the fight, then we lose not only our own freedom, but the freedom of an entire nation."

"And my question to you is, what difference does it make?"

George lowered his hand. "Perhaps you're right."

Together, George and Tom fled the battlefield.