Loss Of Self

I shouldn’t have fallen for the marketing (“You’re never alone with a clone!”), but I did. I saved up, sent my DNA sample to PeopleMakers, and a week later there was a knock on the door. He was perfect: sympathetic, interested in all my hobbies, and with all my tastes in clothes and women and jokes.

When I couldn’t afford to renew the subscription, though, he walked out of my life just as easily and quietly as he’d arrived, leaving me alone and even more achingly aware of what I didn’t have. Where am I now when I need me?

From Guest Contributor Alastair Millar

Alastair is an archaeologist by training, a translator by trade, and a nerd by nature. His published flash and micro fiction can be found here and he lurks on Twitter @skriptorium.

Abraham Lincoln Watching Django Unchained For The First Time

The producers were expecting some strong reactions as the movie reached its climax. The violence was among the most graphic they had ever seen. But when their star guest collapsed, all the executives fell into a stunned silence.

"Is he all right?"

One of the marketing interns knelt to feel his pulse. "His heart has stopped."

No one thought to call a doctor. The cover up began immediately.

"Luckily, he was shot just a few weeks after we picked him up. History shouldn't be too affected."

Everyone nodded in agreement but, in true Hollywood fashion, it was just wishful thinking.

Inconsolable

When Daniel heard the first notes of the song begin to play, he immediately broke out in inconsolable sobs. The best efforts of those around him only made his hysterics worse. The tears ran off his cheeks and began soaking into his collar and tie.

"I'm sorry," he kept repeating between desperate breaths. "It's just...that song...always does this to me."

"Pull yourself together, Jones. This is no time to blubber."

Daniel looked around, first at his boss, then his marketing associates at the conference table. The clients were there as well. Indeed, this was no time to blubber.

Confidence, Inc.

Jonah saw the ad and hoped it might be the solution to all of his problems.

"In the modern marketing age, where even individuals have begun thinking of themselves as a brand, Confidence, Inc. is there to fulfill your personal advertising needs."

Perhaps Confidence, Inc. would be able to stop the bullying and help make Jonah popular. He decided to visit their offices.

The executives at Confidence, Inc. had never engaged a client as young as Jonah. Most of their customers had at least started middle school. But after a company-wide strategy session, they welcomed Jonah as their first kindergartner.