Sinners

When the Church implemented the new confessional system, Pope Earl the First proclaimed it would usher in a new era of community and humility. Father Gabriel had doubts.

"Would anyone like to begin?" he asked the circle.

Heidi raised her hand. "This week I took the Lord's name in vain three times."

It went on like this for several minutes. Sean was holding a grudge at not getting a promotion. Mel was jealous that her sister was getting married.

Then Tony raised his hand and everyone stared nervously at the ground.

"I've been sleeping with Sean's wife for three months."

The Lord Loves Me

The Lord loves me even though I don't love myself.

Not every day goes great. But when I pray, I pray for joy and happiness.

The wife comes and yells, "your lazy butt still sitting in that darn chair?"

"Just talkin' to the Lord for a moment."

A bolt of lightning makes us both jump and her fall to her knees.

"No, David," she yells, "not a storm. We need the tomatoes to bloom, you old fool."

The second bolt of lightning enters the house and her skull.

I smile, realizing even the weather listens when I talk to God.From Guest Contributor E. Barnes

E. Barnes has works published in The Purple Pen, The Haven, Spillwords, Centina Pentina, A Story In 100 Words and the anthology NanoNightmares.

Executive Execution

He said he was blown over, that the breeze from the kitchen door had left him defenseless. But our Lord sees only in black and white. The laws are clear: no dust bunny shall enter another bunny’s land--no exceptions. A silent crowd awaits as the trespasser is dragged into the dimly lit square: thrashing, kicking, pleading. It is pointless. Laws are laws, we must simply obey. He is tied to the base of a pink cocktail umbrella. We all turn our heads to our Lord expectantly. He gives a simple nod. The match is struck and the pyre lit.

From Guest Contributor Skyler Bath

Whodunnit

Elementary knowledge of physics and chemistry saved the life of Lord Sherlock.

This was a case of national security, something to do with secrecy about canons. All the evidence had shown that state secrets were sold to a foreign power.

Judge Lestrade certainly would have found him guilty and would have sentenced him to the firing squad if it hadn’t been for the world famous detective Moriarty and his brilliant assistant Mrs Hudson. They countered all the incriminating material which now acquitted the accused and finally they revealed what no one could have ever suspected: Watson, the butler, did it.

From Guest Contributor Hervé Suys

Hervé Suys (°1968 – Ronse, Belgium) started writing short stories whilst recovering from a sports injury and he hasn’t stopped since. Generally he writes them hatless and barefooted.

I've Changed My Mind

The chair he was standing on kept wobbling as he tried to maintain his balance it was difficult but so far he was okay. He thought about his wife leaving him taking the kids one rainy day. His job as a salesman kept him on the road but he missed them and was always happy to walk through that front door until she left.. Damned he almost fell there this chair is dangerous. He thought about how they would not know he’d changed his mind if only he could get the damn rope around his neck untied lord forgive me!

From Guest Contributor Derrick Fernie