Guardian Angel

Hank takes his job seriously. He clocks in every day on time, and stays exactly how long is required of him. So what if he never volunteers for overtime? There are plenty of colleagues eager to cover for him.

Hank never drinks to excess while on duty. Sure he may get a little tipsy on occasion, but not to the detriment of his charges, who remain his top priority. If anything, drinking in moderation calms his nerves and makes him more effective at angeling.

Yes, he sometimes parties with some friendly devils, but he's trying to convince them to repent.

At The Bar

Drunk Joe asked the man next to him at the bar “Do you believe in flying saucers? I think they are a crock.”

“No it’s absurd. They have it all wrong. Our ships are triangular.”

”Huh?”

“Aliens aren’t little green men. We come in many colors. You get light and dark ones here.”

“Where do you get these ideas?”

“I’m a triangle pilot. They are half as wide as they are long. Don’t believe me? We look mostly like humans, but” it pulls up its pants and takes off its shoes “see – four legs.”

Joe goes home and quits drinking.

From Guest Contributor Doug Hawley

Drinking

There was a time that drinking carried with it a thrill. The flash of acceptance by his peers, the risk of being caught.

Then it became a habit. An expectation, though not a conscious one. It was just a part of everyday life, like the friends he no longer really connects with, but finding new friends seems complicated and lonely.

Now it is no longer drinking. It is alcohol, and he needs it to not feel sick, to not hate himself.

Maybe he should quit. But that strikes him as uncomfortable. Better just to not think about it too much.

Second Date

Let me tell you about being single again and dating.

I meet remarkable women.

Non-smokers who chain smoke; social drinkers being borderline alcoholics.

When we talk on the phone, without exception, they’re all size 10-12. We arrange to meet.

The old joke goes, the women in our town are size 24, size 26, size 28, and then there are the big fat ones!

Seems to me it’s true.

They get offended when I say, “You deceived me,” and ask why I say so on our first date. I mean, why would anyone wait til the second date to speak up?

From Guest Contributor Barry O'Farrell

Barry is an actor living in Brisbane, Australia. Other stories by Barry have appeared in Cyclamens & Swords, 50-Word Stories, and of course here at A Story In 100 Words.