A Scorned Woman

You must realize my darling, that men have more immediate needs than a woman? Allowances should be made for us. You women don’t have to contend with an unruly member when it gets a whiff of a beautiful woman, especially if she smiles back.

You truly don’t have to do this. Please let me out. If you send me back, I’ll not ever be able to return. Please, please, Ruthie, I swear to you I won’t ever stray again. It’s the only time-machine in existence, and I’m much too fat to run from the dinosaurs at my time of life.

From Guest Contributor Len Mooring

Chameleons And Bacon

The chameleon's evolutionary advantage lies in its ability to blend in with its surroundings. Whether it's in order to hunt prey or avoid being hunted, I'm not too sure. I'm not much of a scientist. I don't even know if chameleons are herbivores or eat insects.

It's kind of weird to think that some lizards actually eat plants and stuff. I know they do, though, because a lot of dinosaurs did, and so do turtles.

Thinking about lizards makes me glad I'm a vegetarian. And thinking about bacon makes me glad it's a vegetable because bacon is my favorite food.

A Heavenly Fire Rained Down

Percival watched the meteor as it ripped a cataclysmic hole through the sky overhead. He was far enough away that he'd be unaffected by the impact, but even from this distance the noise was nearly deafening. He curled into a ball and awaited the inevitable.

The blast shook the very Earth beneath his feet. Everyone knew it would be the end of an age. The end of an era even. Today would be the last day for dinosaurs to walk the Earth.

Percival liked that just fine. As a zalambdalestes, he for one looked forward to the age of mammals.

The Daily Theme from Figment for March 5, 2012

When it rains...Write a story in which weather has a dramatically positive or negative effect on your character's day.

The Toy Chest

Brian wasn't sure how it happened, whether it was the Christmas wish just before his father's death, or the aftereffects of some magical spell uttered generations before in his attic, but every night, when his mother wasn't around, his toys came alive.

The stuffed bears and jungle cats. The toy soldiers. The plastic dinosaurs and the racing cars.

His life was now a living hell. He didn't mind the work itself, but the beatings and tongue-lashings were, to his mind, excessive. If only the toys would tell him what they wanted in a calm manner, he'd finish everything without complaint.

A Dinosaur's Life

He had a huge family. They only hung out in large groups. He wasn’t very handsome but he was extremely smart.

In school, he hated math and science but he was very good at art. I guess you could say he was the creative sort.

He wasn’t the type that ate meat, in fact he ate none at all. He never played on mountains or climbed trees, I guess he was afraid he’d fall.

In the summers, he’d wake up, eat his breakfast, then take a nap. In winter, he just slept and slept.

That’s the life of a dinosaur.

From guest contributor Zoey Zozo

Dinosaurs: A Play In One Act

Scene opens with two dinosaurs standing before the erect skeleton of a third dinosaur.

Dinosaur #1: It says here we used to rule the Earth.

Dinosaur #2: That's a myth. Just because our ancestors were large and numerous doesn't mean we ever commanded anything.

Dinosaur #1: You're always such a cynic.

Dinosaur #2: No, I’m a realist. If we had truly ruled the Earth, we could have prevented our own demise.

Dinosaur #1: I suppose you’re right. But what I find really curious is if we are supposed to be extinct, what are we doing in this museum?

The End.

Gladiatosaurus

As an evolutionary biologist, Richter knew the experiment represented a perigee. It was the closest they would ever get to observing natural selection in action. And it was going to kick ass.

"So what you're telling me is you've genetically engineered seven species of dinosaurs, all from different epochs, plus a saber-toothed tiger, a giant crocodile, and something you simply call the Manshark? And you are going to let them battle it out arena style to see which species is fittest to survive?"

"Yes."

"When they make this story into a movie, I'm sure to be played by Jeff Goldblum."

The Shockingly True Exploits Of The Boy Who Panicked A Nation

When they built the dam, they said it would hold all the water. They said no one would ever be thirsty again. And they said it would never break.

Tommy was standing on the observation deck, thinking about dinosaur bones. All those dinosaur bones that would never be discovered because they lay at the bottom of the world's largest reservoir.

The crack occurred right behind him. He turned, and water was already starting to seep through. Tommy instinctively placed his finger over the crack.

The papers would later report Tommy decided dinosaur bones were more real to him than strangers.

Triassic Park

“I've got a great idea for a movie. It's about a scientist, who discovers a way to clone dinosaurs from their DNA. He gathers experts from all over the world, and together they build the world’s first dinosaur amusement park on a remote island.

“Everything is wonderful, but the scientist finds he can’t control nature. The dinosaurs break out of their enclosures, and begin rampaging. The most dangerous are the small dinosaurs, because they are faster and it’s easier for them to prey on humans."

“You mean like Jurassic Park?”

“I guess, kind of. But mine doesn’t star Jeff Goldblum.”