Strange Happenings In Northern Pucklechurch

John Nithercott exited his front door to find a clutter of mushrooms in his front lawn. Nor were these ordinary mushrooms. Fantastically colored in psychedelic neon, the shortest one stood over three feet tall.

John diligently choose not to pay any mind to the unwanted visitors as he plodded by. He prided himself on his stolid demeanor in even the worst circumstances, and he refused to give his neighbor the satisfaction of seeing him disturbed.

Mr. Periwinkle was undoubtedly watching, wondering if his latest deceit would finally force John from the neighborhood. One more example of why John hated fairies.

No Remorse

Peter scanned the document, making note of the many black marks against the latest supplicant.

"Deceit. Petty Theft. Cursing. Coveting your neighbor's wife. Murder. Excessive Pride. You managed quite a tally."

The man laughed conspiratorially. "Yes, I was quite the sinner in my day."

Peter took off his glasses and stared down at the man. "And it seems you show little remorse."

"Well, I figure remorse is for the Europeans, or people from developing countries."

"Yes, it's true, God is an American. But when it comes to your final judgement, your nationality is only a small percentage of the evaluation."