Sinners

When the Church implemented the new confessional system, Pope Earl the First proclaimed it would usher in a new era of community and humility. Father Gabriel had doubts.

"Would anyone like to begin?" he asked the circle.

Heidi raised her hand. "This week I took the Lord's name in vain three times."

It went on like this for several minutes. Sean was holding a grudge at not getting a promotion. Mel was jealous that her sister was getting married.

Then Tony raised his hand and everyone stared nervously at the ground.

"I've been sleeping with Sean's wife for three months."

Mortal Sin

Shawn ran from the confessional like the Devil might grab him by the collar and drag him back down to Hell.

"What'd you get?" I whispered.

"Nothing. He said it was just a minor sin." I smiled. If stealing money from the donation box was considered minor, I was scot-free.

"Bless me Father, for I have sinned. I left a mess in the rectory."

I didn't know what excommunicated meant but I felt I'd been unjustly served until my Pop said that Father Flannery obeyed only one dictate: cleanliness was next to Godliness. Violations were treated as a mortal sin.