A Quick Snip

Grapes are always the go-to example: still purple and plump just seedless now, no lasting side-effects. My wife and the female doctor concur. I'm thinking laser as I agree.

I ease onto the metal bench outside the clinic as the local wears off. Once we decided to adopt, having our own kids didn't seem right. She's with her doctor right now. A session to get her over the trauma of my procedure.

I need a session also. To confirm I was insane for ever saying yes. My groin's throbbing and I'm not thinking grapes anymore. It's raisins, useless, shriveled raisins.

From Guest Contributor Garry Gunnerson

The Family

PB came from a peculiar family. His siblings included an elephant, an owl, an orca, a duck, two monkeys, a chicken, a snake, a dinosaur, and a snowman. They sometimes went on strange adventures, though mostly they lazed around telling funny stories to each other. He often suspected they were figments of his imagination, but he heard their voices even as he pretended to ignore them.

He decided he wanted to understand how he came to be part of such a family so PB hired a private detective.

He was unsurprised when the detective informed him that he was adopted.

It's A Dark World Full Of Idiots

The police raided the warehouse completely unprepared. No one thought an otter smuggling ring could amount to much. Just something to clean up before the eco-nuts got on their asses.

20 year veterans found themselves vomiting in their hats. The nightmares would linger for months.

The otters were not being smuggled to make fur coats or dog food. They were being skinned alive and fed to Russian babies on the adoption market. Apparently, otter flesh gives them a bright sheen that is more attractive to prospective mothers. 70% of the babies die within six months.

It's a dark world full of idiots.